But it's been tough. Really tough. And I find myself saying (more often than not), "When does school start again??"
Bottom line: I am NOT meant to be a stay-at-home-mom. I would love to say I could be, and maybe I could under different circumstances, but let's just say my 3-year-old is one tough cookie. I'm not trying to make this a Debbie Downer post... just venting a bit.
Aidan is unpredictable. And moody. And still lacking the ability to communicate his needs and frustrations. He'll do things like ask for something, and when I offer it to him, he screams and doesn't want it. But if I put it back, he screams because he wants it again. I find myself saying, "What's wrong? What do you need?" a lot. Or threatening timeout. Or putting him IN timeout.
I am one of those anything-bad-that-happens-in-the-morning-sets-the-tone-for-the-day kind of people. Not good when you have a kid that wakes up on the wrong side of the bed... often. I usually get him from his room first (we still have a doorknob cover on his door - or else he'd come out at 5am!) and then we get Lilah. Well, the other morning, I said, "Come help me get Lilah." Usually that means we'll go in, see Lilah's smiling face, and Aidan will smile back and say (in the CUTEST babyish voice ever), "Hi, Yi-yah!!" And then, what normally happens next is I lift her out of the crib. Well, he decided that "come help me" must've meant, "YOU PICK HER UP," because as soon as I started lifting her out of bed, he put his arms up like he wanted to. But then immediately fell apart because Mommy did it. Quickly realizing what he wanted, I put Lilah back down (she was willing) and asked Aidan if he could help me, but it was too late. He was already on the floor, crying.
This morning, it was I went too fast down the stairs and he wanted me to hold his hand. But when I came back to hold his hand, he was yelling at me to "Stop!" Then he wanted milk, but when I handed it to him, he cried and didn't want it. But wanted it again after I said I'd put it away. This afternoon, he asked for juice in a "straw cup," but after screaming at me that I did it wrong, Chad finally told me that Aidan really wanted a "sippy" cup lid, not a straw cup lid. Aidan knows how to ask for a sippy cup lid, so it wasn't a lack of vocabulary on that one.
I just don't get him sometimes. Most times. And tonight, Chad agreed with me. Usually, Chad has that, "Aidan is always great for me" outlook. Truth is, Aidan is better for Chad. But I think Chad's booming voice is a little scarier too! haha Tonight, however, Aidan was just whiny. Whining to go here or there, whining for milk, trying to run on the train tracks, whatever. At one point, Chad said, "Aidan! Stop whining!" So Aidan said, "No!" So (my mature husband) Chad says, "Yes!" And Aidan quickly yells, "NO!!!!!!" Good grief. Yes, let's get in a power struggle with our 3-year-old.
I think if it were JUST Aidan home with me, it might be more tolerable. But I have an energetic, sometimes stubborn 1-year-old on my hands too. And when she's wandering off towards the street and Aidan's having a meltdown at the merry-go-round, I just want to throw my hands up! Obviously I save the Bean from the street. But I have to keep my eye on both kids, all the time. And that's hard by myself. I honestly don't know how moms of 3 or more can handle it!
Preschool starts in a month, and I'm really and truly hoping that it will bring some change. He's never been around a lot of kids on a daily basis, so hopefully his social skills will improve. And communication. Chad and I have a lot to work on with this parenting stuff too. I know consistency is key, but being consistent is really tough when you have another little person to look out for (timeouts can't always happen when they need to, etc.) Also, Aidan really needs to be fed on a schedule (he's happier when he's full!), but sometimes his timeouts hinder his eating.
I know getting breaks would be good too, but I tend NOT to find babysitters because I know Aidan is a lot of work (IF he's in a bad mood.) Chad had the kids Friday morning, though, and took him to Jill's house for an hour (one of his employees - sweet!) She reported back that Aidan played AND shared with her 4-year-old son and there was not ONE tantrum from either of them. Oh, and Lilah walked around with a doll the whole time. Yep, that's my girl.
It's easy to get bogged down by every little tantrum and whiny moment. But then, after I tuck him into bed, he'll say, "Eee you tomorrow, Mama. Yuh-go Mama. Mmmmm-whah!" (yuh-go = love you.) And I'm reminded of what a truly sweet boy he can be. Or when he's playing with Lilah, he can be SO sweet with her (when he's not knocking her over!) And I love when he does his best wild thing impersonation and "roars a terrible roar!" at me. Or when he asks me to roll down my window... and when I do, he'll say, "Doing a great gob, Mama" (great "job.") How can I not love that??
When I was watching So You Think You Can Dance the other week, Marko said he was a "tough kid" for his mom. He had outbursts and tantrumed a lot. But once he got into dance (I think), he had something to focus on. I looked at my son, who was "dancing" in our living room at that moment (read: madly flailing his arms and stomping), and sort of chuckled picturing him on that show. But you never know. He could be a dancer. Or anything fantastic. And maybe one day he'll say, "I was tough for my mom, but look at me now."
Got any advice for this stressed-out Mama (besides "stop complaining!")? Anybody have kids that went through this stage? Did they come OUT of it? Did YOU come out of it??? That's what I want to know!
Thanks for listening. Happy post with pictures next. Promise. : )
6 comments:
Lucas was and is still like this a lot! But in the past year he has done a lot better. He had preschool which helped give him a routine. Now lately he has been really whiney and will melt down easily so I am going to see if the getting back to preschool routine helps. Also, Lucas is a biter and that has been are BIGGEST struggle. It is SLOWLY getting better but I still watch him like a hawk around other children because I am so afraid of him biting. He just gets SO riled up and excited and will bite when rough housing or just rough playing or just running around excited he'll catch up tackle and bite....I've stopped him many times by being quick and putting my hand over his mouth but it doesn't always happen. He's getting better we really had to make him feel guilty that he is hurting someone really badly and that has helped tons. I felt horrible for doing it but I don't think he realized how much biting hurt the other child. :( This parenting thing is tough..especially if your child has special needs...and Lucas definitely has sensory stuff going on A LOT and his speech is so much better so at least now he's not angry people don't understand him. He is much more social now that he talks better and I love seeing him with other boys at the park. Now to figure out how to CALM HIM DOWN once he gets really riled up when having fun.
All that to say, no you are not alone! But you are right, just like with Aiden, Lucas is just the SWEETEST little guy and melts my heart daily. I just can't get enough of his hugs and kisses. :) And we have to sing "I love you" song from Barney every single night before he goes to sleep for him. DOn't worry you aren't alone at all.
Communication is such a huge factor. Fortunately, Noah has been a pretty mild-mannered kiddo. But the times that he gets out of control are almost always triggered by one of 3 things- communication breakdown, sensory issue, or major change in schedule. Preschool has been such a blessing for us. He has a great staff of teachers, paras, and therapists working with him and they have been wonderful. He has learned a lot. And you know how a lot of kids are- they are better at school than at home. So he will learn the skills needed for school and they become habit and start to become all-the-time-skills. Two kiddos makes for lots of extra work, especially when the older one needs some extra care. I just fully subscribe to the theory that the "highs" are even higher when you've gone through the big "lows" to get there. I always dream about the day when I can show Noah pictures and tell him stories of all the therapy and doctors we went through to get him where he is when he is a big "success" one day (and by success I mean doing anything that seems like a struggle now- like being an athlete, because docs have always put that limit on him, but he loves sports so much). I know that he will grow up realizing how much his parents love him and the efforts we made to help him. And that is good enough for me right now:)
A book that is a treasure to me for parenting is: Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman. I read it every year to be sure I am being the best Mommy possible in training my children. It is an easy read, too- if I can read it with four about my feet plus homeschooling, I am sure you'll be ablet to carve out some time as well.
Keep loving on them, no matter what!
3 sucked...and Nate didn't have the issues you deal with speech and sensory problems. It is hard when he is worse for you, which Nate was for me too. Consistency is key. I finally had to let Nate know I meant business. There was no more counting to 3. I would warn him when he was exhibiting a behavior I didn't like and then there was a consequence. The thing is, the consequence has to be related to the behavior to be effective. If Nate was acting up in a restaurant, I gave him one warning. I had him repeat back to me that we would leave if he screamed again and when he did I had to follow through. Twice I boxed up all of our food and left the restaurant. This seemed to work better when he was closer to 4. They just start to get it more. Ugh, I know it is hard, but hang in there. It will get better!
As I was reading your post, it took me back to this phase with T. I remember getting her the exact bowl she wanted and the exact cereal she had asked for, only to set it down on the table in front of her for her to have a major meltdown that it was the wrong bowl and wrong cereal. All I can say is that this phase will soon pass, and you will be challenged by another one. You know consistency is key, but it's much easier said than done. I suck at consistency, and I suck at making the consequence coincide with the bad behavior. Hang in there!
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